So I haven't really talked about it much on fb. I know. There's something I haven't posted on fb? But yeah sometimes I just can't fit it all in a few lines with my cell phone. So here goes...

(Pause for girly tear up) Miss Lisa will no longer be Gracie's nurse. Ugh (pause again for girly tear up.) I know. We've had a LOT of nurses to go with various doctors over the years. All of whom we love, but Miss Lisa is different.

When she first showed up on our doorstep, I didn't know what to expect. I knew we were getting a nurse to help out getting her morning treatments done. I was supa excited to get to spend my mornings making my princesses Nutella sandwiches for lunch.

But we didn't get a nurse. Well, we didn't get just a nurse. She's become a part of the family. She's the one I call when I don't know what to do. What to do about an extended belly, a stomach bug, the flu and most importantly when Grace needs new boots. Yeah, sparkly boots all her.

She has spent countless early mornings with Grace and her hoards of Barbies. She loves my daughter when she's at full adorableness. She loves my daughter when she's too sick to get out of bed. And she loves my daughter when she's angry at her Cystic Fibrosis and is just done with her treatments.

She nominated Grace for Make-A-Wish. Took her for pedicures and tacos. She even braved Mr. Gatti's. She's the care of a nurse with the heart of a grandma, only much younger. She's been a blessing beyond words for our family.

And for me she's been a friend, a mentor and the kind of mother I hope to one day be. She's my first friend who really knew what it was to be the mother of a child with medical issues. She's the one I turned to when I didn't know about handling schools, 'medical necessities,' and when I just got overwhelmed.

I just want to say thank you. Thank you for everything I've listed, and everything I didn't. We love you, Miss Lisa !

Ode to Wayne

Giant is because, well you're kinda giant.
Ninja is for the awesome sound effects you make while tearing up that pomegranate on fruit ninja.
Polos is for your deep love of polo shirts and our epic battle about whether they're half as awesome as you believe.
Protector is because you protect me. In a dark alley or ooocky people, I know you've got my back, and you're always scarier than them.
Brak is for introducing me to humor that I'm now only mildly embarrassed to admit I enjoy.
Green mamba is because your love of all snakes and all those freaky animal shows you've made me watch. P.S. I will never visit Austrailia.
Karaoke is for the song at Jason and Christina's wedding, and the rendition of Living on a Prayer with me at LegoLand.
Lookin' so good is for catching you singing that song to yourself shirtless in the mirror.
Disneyworld is for the most ah-mazing trip evah with the most ah-mazing man.
Psychotic nerve is for my sciatic nerve that you so aptly renamed when I was prego.
Candle is for making candles with me in my apartment. And the moment I realized I like liked you.
Weird is for so many reasons...all of which I love.
Hot Wheels is for your love of collecting things that only cost a dollar. And the battle to keep me and kids from opening the packages.
Bacon, does this really need any explanation?
Words is for the games you play with me.
Scrubs is for the years you worked at BSA and wore those awesome scrubs with the matching hair net.
Lamborghini is for the many times you've dragged me to the Lamborghini dealership and the look of joy on your face when you see one.
Wrestling is for the years we wrestled and the way your giants hands could never get a good grip on my tiny wrists.
Buffet is for the pounds and pounds of fried rice we've scarfed over the years.
MJ is for Michael Jackson dance throw downs we've had...and the one or two you've almost won.
Walrus is for the silverware you've put in your mouth to look like a Walrus. Seth and Grace now do it too.
Go Kart is for the go kart races you can't ever win because you're so much bigger than me.
Nike is for the shoes you love so much.
Pirate is for getting made over into a pirate even if you were the only adult in there. And for real you made a supa sexy pirate.
Camaro is for you being so twitterpated that you let me drive your camaro even though I didn't really know how to drive a stick.
Incredible Hulk is for the Halloween you dressed up. The Hulk and Rainbow Brite made quite the awesome couple.
Pic smile is for your pic smile. And how sweet you are to try not to do it.
Monkey...well that's not blog appropriate.
Christian is my fav word to describe you!
Lassie is because you are my Lassiter.
Gracie is for the wonderful Dad that you are. Because I heart watching my big, tough scary guy become this sweet, gently teddy bear with our lil princess.
Chi is for when you made me think you bought me the Walmart flat iron instead of the Chi. And after letting me stew awhile, you told me the real one was in the closet.
Til Death is for being snuggled up in bed and listening to your belly laugh at Brad Garrett.
Funny is because you are hands down the funniest person I've ever known.
Bob Ross is for your artistic side and your love of the man with the fro.
Guns is for the when you stained your AK 47 purple...and then stripped it to make it blue.
Fishing is for when you came bolting into my Aunt Colleen's house with big ol cat fish grinning from ear to ear.
Peacock is for the many hours spent watching Will Ferrell movies.
Wayland is for when we went to the same concert at Wayland when we'd never met. And when I said I wonder if we saw each other. And you said no, I'd have remembered you.
Supra is for the year I bought the remote control Supra. And you loved it so much that you actually took it out of the box and drove it down the sidewalk.
Carrots...also not blog appropriate.
Batman is for watching you steer Seth towards your fav super hero and convincing him that Batman is way more awesome than Spiderman.
Uhhhh is for all the times you say uhhhh. And how over the years I've really come to love the way you say uhhhh.
Jack is for Jack In the Box. I admit its awesome.
Ferrari is for the other cars you do so adore.
Boot is for boot to the head.
Chicago is for when we were trying to get home with Seth. The stewardess kicked us off the plane because they thought he was too young to fly. And then the applause from the other passengers when we got to get back on.
Awesome is because you truly are just so awesome! I can't talk about you with the word awesome.
Gizmo is for your soft, sentimental side that saved your original Gizmo all these years.
Toes is for that freaky alien thing you do with your toes.
Food is for all the crazy things you've gotten me to try over the years. Most noteable is the eggs in my orange juice.

Seth is for the way I adore watching you with your son. Watching you teach him what it means to be a all boy.
Snuggly is because you my head fits so perfectly in that lil crook between your shoulder and you chest. Technically that's prob your armpit. So just above that.
Loyal is for the loyalty I've seen you show your friends and those you love over the years.
Newsboys is for the band that seems to pop up in our lives. At the wedding, Grace's first ultrasound and the countless road trips.
HB is because you write that on everyone's fb wall, and it makes you giggle every time I mention it.
Cookies is for when you told me my ginormous cookies were better than your Mom's. It was the moment I realized I was actually a pretty decent cook.
BBall is not only for your love of basketball and the Mavs, but also for your determination to wear bball shorts no matter the season...even is you have to wear long john's underneath.
Blizzard is for all the blizzards you've gotten for me over the last decade.
Stache is for the awesome stache you grew...and then shaved off.
Blue and Black is for the ongoing debate about if navy and black match...they do not.
And lastly true love is because you truly are my true love. You are my best friend, my knight in shining armor, my partner, and the most amazing husband I could ever ask for. Here's to the next decade with you.
I love you, Wayne Cearley <3

Still my sweet baby

So for real how did this happen? He's my baby, my bubba, my lil shadow. He's my buddy. How did he turn 5? Seems like yesterday he was this tiny bundle of hair and nose.... cue the sappy overture...
Its not like most birth stories. I wasn't in the hospital. I wasn't doped up or screaming. As a matter of fact I wasn't even in the same country.
I remember getting the call from Erika, and I about passed out right on the spot. He came several weeks sooner then we had expected. Oh and I was convinced he was gonna be a girl. (btw I'm so glad he's all boy.)
And we flew into a baby frenzy. It was a fast introduction to the world of baby boy preemie clothes followed by chunking clothes and heavy jackets into a bag. I remember flying to Dallas and not being able to sleep at April's. I believe there was a middle of the night trip to Walmart in there somewhere. And booking flights for Wayne because he couldn't leave the country on a day's notice. I've heard that's a prob if you have a real job ;) Oh and this is the part where I apologize one more time for the eight hour layover in the middle of the night at La Guardia airport.
I remember the long flights. I remember the crazy turbulance. And then getting off the plane... in Canada. Oh and I saw my first mountee. Btw they were super awesome.
Erika, Seth's Grandma, picked me up from the airport. It was such a surreal thing to meet her. Then I met Vicki. Okay now that was beyond surreal. To meet the woman who's giving you her child, how do you say thank you for that? I can't explain that sort of emotion. Just overwhelming excitement, gratitude, and uncertainity.
And then I went to see Seth. I remember having to wash my hands incessantly. I remember the walk from the sink to the bed seemed to be forever. We got there, and he turned his head and opened his eyes. And Erika said, "That's the first time he's done that. It's like he knows."
Now I have to tell you that as many times as I've told this story, I tear up every time, without fail at that part. That's the exact moment where he became my bubba. It's the moment where I absolutely fell in love with him. When I went from a mother of one to a mother of two and all it took was a look.

Yes he had that much hair. Yes you can giggle.

I had to ask the nurses how to change a boy's diaper. (Yes I had to be taught how to change a diaper in the hospital when I had Grace, but boys are waaaay different.) He had the tiniest little knit hat. And oh did that lil boy have some hair!
And then there was coming home. I remember taking him out of the hospital. It was November, in Canada, and it was a wee bit chilly with all the snow on the ground and what not. Erika dropped us off at the airport, and it was just me and this tiny bundle. Oh and I was not wearing maternity clothes. Random adoption perk I wanted to throw in there.
He was in this blue sling that I wore and late in the evening we headed to Montreal. Wayne had made it there and had forgiven me for the layover incident. The plan was to get Seth a travel visa and then fly back to the states. Oh my sweet Seth, there was always a plan. Its just that my plans never worked out. In the course of the next couple of days, we were told we had to make an appointment at least one business day ahead of time for the visa. I believe we found that out on Friday. The airline immigration officials refused to let him fly without one. So our lawyer called and begged with immigration at the border to let us cross. And he found us a new mom with a heart of gold who decided to help us. We rented a car, and okay I'm so grateful for gps. Otherwise we'd still be driving around Montreal. And we drove across the border with Seth on a vacation visa.
Then was some flying from New York to Chicago. At one of the security check points, Wayne got stopped. Apparently he was suspicious because he was carrying tiny bottles full of white liquid. They were labeled baby formula, but the baby and I were in a different line at the time. Also sorry about that, Wayne. On the flight to Chicago, we were kicked off our flight because the airline decided he was too young to fly. After some heartfelt crying and pleading we not only got to get back on the plane, we were applauded by the other passengers.
It was the most whirlwind, exciting, scary, nausea inducing, and joyful trip I've ever had. Some parts of it are just a bit fuzzy,  but I remember my sweet bubba. I remember Erika and Vicki. I remember seeing Wayne hold this tiny lil bundle of hair in a Canadian hotel room. I remember getting to show him to Gracie. I looked at her and suddenly realized she seemed so big next to this sweet boy. And I remember God taking our family of three and turning it into a family of four.
And I'm still not sure how he turned 5.

My whole fam. Oh I heart them so!

My princess

So as promised a birthday blog for Gracie. After a long absence from blogging, my daughter turning 7 motivated me to get back to it. Well that and Carrie reminding me which site I blog from. Thanks :)
My memory of that day is a little hazy courtesy of the awesome meds, but here's goes...
I remember heading in before the sun came up. That was back when getting up before the sun seemed like a big deal. Headed into the hospital and got me a nice iv of petossin. That was followed directly by an epidural. When I asked the nurse for the epidural, she asked if I was in pain already. I told her no, and that was why I thought that was the best time for an epidural.
So at some point I was in a little pain, at which point my mother passed out, busted her lip and made her own trip to the ER. It was super fun to tell my Dad when he got to the hospital to stop by the ER to see my Mom before he came up to labor and delivery. (Yes, you may laugh at this. At the time it was not funny, but now...just don't laugh where she can hear you.)
I ended up with a C-section. Later that evening my epidural came out (Dude, that was intense.) Anyway, that's not the stuff I remember on her birthday. Cue the sappy music...

I remember everything being like your typical after delivery. Then I remember her being taken to the NICU because she had a blocked bowel from the cf. I remember the fear of not knowing what was going on. I remember the long hallway from my room to hers. Going thru the ominous doors of the NICU. Holding this tiny baby in my arms while trying not to get tangled in the iv cords and monitors hooked to her. I remember the hearing a chorus of beeps and monitors in the midst of learning to change a diaper. (No I did not know how to change a diaper before then.) She had the biggest brown eyes and a head of brown hair. I remember thinking how in the world did she come out with straight hair. She had a yellow sleeper with pink flowers that was a size too big. She would curl up her little legs and put both of them in the same leg of the sleeper. Just staring at her, drinking in this little miracle until visiting hours were over.

I remember taking her home and learning about all the treatments and medications that now seem so normal to us. Being so afraid I would break this sweet, sweet angel. And I remember being so grateful for every day and every long sleepless night.
I remember the way she would sleep with one fist straight up in the air and thinking that was exactly how she was sleeping in the womb. Hence, my not being able to breathe the last month. I remember her perfect tiny toes. I remember the way Wayne's arms could swallow her up. The way she'd wrap her tiny fingers around mine. I remember being sure that no baby had ever been as beautiful and sweet as my lil Gracie.

And each year on October 13, I find myself being overwhelmed by the blessing of another year with the strongest and bravest little girl I've ever known.

Ode to a world of green spandex

So last night I went to a for real grown up movie without animation... wait, last night I went to what was advertised as a for real grown up movie without animation. I'll get to the actual movie, but first a lil side story.
We got a lil messed up on the movie time and ended up there before anyone else. I mean anyone. So Wayne made a pit stop at the rest room, and I headed in to a stupid dark, totally empty theater. As I'm standing there scanning the rows, I had this flashback to one of the Scream movies where some girl gets killed in a theater. So I'm gonna say the pre-movie experience was pretty thrilling and heart pounding.
And then the movie actually started. Now to be fair I'm not a huge comic book hero fan when it comes to my movies. I do love me some XMen and some Superman, but that's 'bout it. I usually prefer stupid funny movies. A large part of my relationship with Wayne was built on the fantabulous comedic skills of Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller. But it was Father's Day so I braved the world of comic books...
First of all lemme say that someone must have caught a clearance sale on indiglow green spandex. One guy in that stuff, kinda fun. An entire planet of funky hybrid aliens, really funny. For real, we're sitting in this dark theater, and I'm trying not to bust a gut with my mouth buried in my elbow cuz ya know I don't wanna ruin the movie for Wayne. I look over and he's giggling like a lil girl too. This is when I decided that I might just enjoy this movie after all.
Pretty much when the giant fish started having a deep and meaningful conversations with a giant rock monster... while wearing the neon green spandex, this movie went from action to comedy. The alien planet was like Whoville...dressed up in neon green spandex and very serious. I know somewhere in that crowd was the Grinch all muscled up with his ring and spandex. I'm sorry. Apparently I just can't get past the spandex. Makes me giggle just thinking about it.
The back story was pretty hardcore. It was a lot to take in for a first time Green Lantern-er. That would explain why there wasn't enough time left in the movie for a plot. I understood. The new-bie from Earth beats the universe threatening Eee-Vil in like 10 min flat. And the ancient defenders of the entire universe (in spandex) show up to pull him away from the sun after he's done all the actual hero work. Lil bit of a let down. Although it did mean seeing the giant fish and rock monster (in spandex) one more glorious time.
Overall, it was not a 'quality' movie, but I was def entertained. It may however, have ruined the color green for me.
Oh and after the movie I had to hit the rest rooms. For real not another soul in the restroom. Flashback again to a Scream movie where the guy gets killed in the bathroom. So another tense moment while doing my business. Because movies can just stick with you even if its been well over a decade since you saw them.
I believe Green Lantern will stick with me the same way... only about Spandex.

Girls day out

For real I was all kinds of excited this morning to get out the door...and not just because I was getting super hungry. It's been forev since Gracie and I spent time just the two of us.
Most of the time when Gracie's around so is Seth. Which is super because the two of them are bff...at least for a few more years. But I do so love some girly time, and I do adore my princess.
I gave her the monumental task of coming up with an entire day worth of fun. It was a loooong list.

Started with pancakes and hash browns, oh and super glittery pink shoes.
Followed by a quick trip back by the house because we forgot her glasses.And then I realized no where on her list of places to visit was open... oops. Luckily, Toys R Us is always a place kids want to go. She got to spend her tooth fairy money. Now normally there's a time limit for shopping trips, but not on girls' day. She went thru every aisle, minus the ones with Transformers and Star Wars. (I heart girls' day for that reason alone.) At one point she looked at me and said, "Mom there's just too many choices. How will I ever decide?" We ended up with a lil bunny that eats, drinks and 'tinkles.' It just makes the 'tinkle' sound, but still not a fan of being tinkled on by a bunny.

I think she was missing Seth.

So a mere hour and a half later we took our incontinent woodland friend and headed out. Next on her list was a pedicure. I would like to say that I tried to talk into buying nice nail polish (aka not from walmart or the dollar store) and doing them at home because I'm frugal. That would be a dirty lie. I was super embarrased by my cracked heels. For real couldn't tell u the last time I actually had a pedicure. I blame it on the dry panhandle and hard wood floors.
Anyway, turns out my love for my daughter is greater than my fear of having someone talk about how nasty my feet in another language. So I sacrificed. She was so adorable. She picked out our nail polish and decided we needed matching butterflies. She asked several times if we would get to put our feet in warm water, and then she was like a statue while they actually painted them. The poor lady tried to do her butterfly three times. Finally someone else came over and painted the tiniest lil butterfly on her tiny big toe. She was grinning from ear to ear. I carried her from the chair to the drying area.

The only thing sweeter than the cupcakes.

We finished up, and I realized I was getting hungry so as a good Mom I figured I should feed her too. Now I hadn't expected to hit the cupcake place for lunch. I was thinking dessert, possibly mid afternoon snack. Sometimes I forget who's daughter she is. Why wouldn't we have dessert for an actual meal?! I've been doing it for years.
We walked in and she sprinted to the glass case. Wanted to know what each one was, and then made her decision based on which one had the most sprinkles. I had to ask the lady how much fat was in her cupcake to figure out how many pills she needed. She didn't know how much fat but said it had about 250 calories... 'the lowest calorie count of any of their cupcakes' she said very cheerfully. Lemme say that I had not ordered myself the same cupcake. Mine was called chocolate obsession. So yeah maybe it's a good thing I counted the cupcake as lunch. Anyway, I think there was more icing than cupcake. Oh and I could have eaten a whole bowl of that icing. I'm actually not a huge icing fan, but duuude this was to die for. I think the cake part was okay, but I was too cracked out on the icing to know for sure.

All I told her was to make a silly face... yeah, that's my daughter.

So each of us with a serious sugar buzz, we headed to Brush With Art. Okay, I heart that place. And Gracie is def my artistic child so yeah it was on like Donkey Kong. She painted a tiny turtle, a tiny bunny, a couple of tiles. Actually the tiles were to make me happy. I thought she was painting some Mother's Day presents, but she wanted to keep all of the lil animals. So we painted some tiles for the grandmas.
Oh and being so smart she found a bird jewelry box. Earlier in the day at Toys R Us she had been torn between the tinkling bunny and a Rapunzel jewelry box. She legitimatley needs a jewelry box because she has quite the collection of fab jewels and mardi gras looking necklaces. Anyway, she now has her bunny and a jewelry box she painted.
I asked her where to now and dun, dun, dun she said to get her ears pierced. Now I've never tried to convince her to get them done. I'd be cool if she spent her life in clip ons. But she was determined. She kept asking if it would hurt. I told her it would kinda be like a shot but not nearly as bad as an iv. (A lil sad that she gets those terms.) She marched up, picked out the rainbow diamond flower pair, and once again sat perfectly still. It took less than 5 min from the time we walked in til her lil eyes welled up with tears. Then the lady put numbing stuff on them, and Grace smiled and said, "Can I see them?"
I asked her later if it was a big hurt or a lil one. She said just a lil one. She's pretty tough.
At this point I realized our sugar buzzes had worn off. So we hit the cookie place in the mall. She had two big ol m&m cookies, and I had a gianormous DDP.
We wandered back, and I decided to let her look around Justice. I know what you're thinking. Break out the plastic. But no, while I was getting sucked in by the sheer adorableness of the clothes she was asking when we could leave. Suddenly I was very grateful she's not a tween just yet.

Finishing off the day the right way.

And thank goodness it was time for a movie. I was more than a lil tired. Saw Gnomeo and Juliet. Mostly I wanted to see it because I have this weird thing for garden gnomes. Stems from my childhood. Movie was okay. Not nearly as entertaining as her seranading me before it started. And only for my princess would I have sat in the very first row. Oh and then she sat in my lap the whole time. Still my lil girl even with those big girl earrings.

Why the Royal wedding ircked me...

So the last week or so all the coverage of the royal festivities has really started to get on my nerves. Honestly, I couldn't figure out why. I heart weddings. I really heart weddings. I mean it's like going to a real life Julia Roberts movie that's catered. What could possibly be more amazing?!
Today it totally hit me. The things I love most about weddings have nothing to do with things. It seemed the wedding details were getting all the hype.
 The things that make a wedding truly amazing have nothing to do with the colors, the location, or even (this hurts to say) the fantabulous dress.
What makes a wedding a wedding is the loooove.

One of my fav wedding moments is a stressed out groom. He was pacing and, well, just a touch cranky beforehand. I'm telling you when his bride stepped into the church, his whole demeanor changed. His eyes lit up, and he had the sweetest smile every time he touched her. During pictures you expect the bride to be gitty, but the groom was on cloud nine. Truly a fairytale moment.
I remember catching a father of the bride sitting alone with tears in his eyes. Watching a bride slip into her dress and her mother's face. The bride's face as she peeks into the sanctuary waiting for her song to start. A groom at the reception who was watching his bride from across the room as she greeted people with tears in his eyes. The hugs between father and son. Watching the groomsmen try to figure out which side to pin their flower on and how to do it without drawing blood. And oh the stories of groomsmen with sunglasses, carrying the groom, sneaking out to 'decorate' the getaway car. The tiny flowergirls with ringlets who pile up rose petals in one big mound as they giggle. The ringbearers who think the ring pillow is actually a weapon. The moments after the ceremony when it's just the bridal party. When a husband holds his wife for the first time in a quiet hallway.
Weddings are this unEarthly moment when God joins two people together. It's a moment that makes me tear up over and over again. To look at my husband and so truly grateful for him.
This is why I love weddings.
And btw, I did catch a pic of Kate. And yeah the dress was fierce.
And now some of my fav moments