He knew

Several years ago I was upstairs reading my Bible, and I came across a verse talking about the tribe of Benjamin. I stopped cold. At first I wasn't sure why, and I can't even tell you the exact verse. I just remember that the word Benjamin stopped me.

It was one of those moments where God spoke. There have only been a few times in my life that God has been that direct with me. He told me that was for me. 

Benjamin...

And to be honest it was a moment that I didn't think much of after that. I concluded that it wasn't really a favorite name of mine so maybe someday there where be a grand baby. 

Fast forward several years, Philip was in our home. He was sweet, loved and I had never thought to name him Benjamin. 

Then came Silas. Our plan had been three kids. We were going to adopt one more and done. We weren't open for more. Then Philip had a brother. And they wanted us to take him so that they could be together. I was afraid. The boys are 11 months apart. I was most definitely scared.

But here he came. My unexpected bundle of all boy, Philip's best friend and Seth's little shadow. The sweet blessing I never knew to ask for and whom I can't imagine my life without.

Once again, the thought to name him Benjamin never crossed my mind. Actually Wayne named Philip and Silas. And yes, he picked those names out exactly the way you think he did.

We had first names picked out, but we were still undecided as to middle names. We had been going back and forth for awhile.

Then my grandfather passed. I adore my grandpa. And while we were away for the funeral, I knew what Philip's middle name should be. I know what you're thinking but no...not Benjamin. 

Philip's full name is Philip Kenneth Cearley after my sweet grandpa. I still get teary eyed just writing that.

Seth's middle name is also named after a grandpa, Wayne's grandpa Neal.

And so it only seemed fitting that Silas was also named after a grandpa. My other grandpa who used to take me for ice cream and could fix anything, my grandpa Ben. But Ben sounded too short for a middle name with Silas. It needed to be just a bit longer. It needed to be...Silas Benjamin Cearley.

And suddenly I remembered God's word all those years ago. The word I had all but forgotten came flooding back. And ever so quietly God reminded me that his plans are so much greater and worth while then mine. 

Years ago before I had ever laid eyes on my fourth sweet babe, God knew. Beyond my well laid plans of three kids, God knew. Before the beginning of our foster care roller coaster for my sweet loves that drove me to my knees more times that I can count, He knew. Before my sweet babes were born, He knew. 

God knew.

Tomorrow it becomes official, but God knew this whole time.  

This right here is my Ebeneezer. 

Thus far the Lord has helped us.

Why I hate fundraising

Okay guys, I've put off fundraising as long as I possibly can. And even now I'm tearing up while I write this. I hate fundraising. I know. Not the best way to start off a fundraising page.

The reason I so hate fundraising is that to motivate myself I have to really force myself to consider why I'm fundraising. I'm not doing this for the tshirt or to make myself feel good. And although I love some free breakfast it's not enough to motivate me to hit my friends and family up for money. Most days we can do hours of treatments and literally handfuls of pills, and somewhere over the years it's become our normal. We let the dog out. We make school lunches. We hand out digestive enzymes. We do a couple of nebs, the vest. You get the idea. But fundraising is different. It inolves me asking for money and knowing that all too often people will keep on scrolling.

Which brings me to the reason why I'm doing this yet again. I'm doing this because My deepest fear is and has been for the last decade that my daughter will die. There it is. 

That sounds so dramatic and scary, but that's what it is. CF is an ugly, painful progressive disease. We fight. We fight what we know is a battle that we cannont win today. We know someday there will be a cure. So we fight. And we fight not knowing if the cure will be here in time.

That's it. 

So we keep going. We pray with tears streaming down our cheeks, and we trust God.

And once a year I ask you for help. I ask for the $10 that you can spare. I ask you to skip the pumpkin latte because there are 30,000 people waiting for a cure. I ask because my daughter, my baby, my whole world is waiting.

There are approximately 30,000 Americans living with cystic fibrosis. They are moms, dads, sisters, brothers, daughters, sons, friends and co-workers who struggle every day just to breathe. I walk for them and hope you will support me in my efforts.

Real progress has been made in the search for a cure, but the lives of people with CF are still cut far too short. There still is no cure for this devastating disease. By walking today, I am helping add tomorrows to the lives of people living with cystic fibrosis. Will you join me? Support me by making a donation to my Great Strides fundraising campaign today!

Great Strides is a fun, family-friendly event that raises awareness and support for people with CF and their families.

Please support me!

Help me reach my fundraising goal by donating to my Great Strides fundraising campaign. Your gift will help add tomorrows to the lives of people with cystic fibrosis by supporting life-saving research and medical progress. Your gift is 100-percent tax deductible.

http://fightcf.cff.org/site/TR/GreatStrides/90_Northeast_Texas_Dallas?px=2073415&pg=personal&fr_id=2247