Oh it's a vent

So this post is mostly for me. Just gotta get it out there.
So here goes.
I'm feeling pretty exhausted by the whole CF raising money thing. We've been doing it for eight years now and for some reason this year is just getting to me.
And for the life of me I can't pinpoint as to why it's this year that's bugging me so much. We're getting so close, I mean stupid close to a cure. I should be more motivated than ever. I should be on fire this year...and yet I'm not.
I have these ah-mazing supportive friends, and no lie people have absolutely astounded me with their generosity this year. I've teared up with every donation. So much love from my friends.
Maybe it was the video this year. I knew for a good month ahead of time exactly what I wanted to do. And I came up with every excuse, I mean every excuse I could think of to put it off. I can't even bring myself to watch the dang thing again. It makes me nauseous to post it on fb. And you know how I love to post everything on fb.
Maybe I'm just tired of my daughter having to deal with all this. She's doing so ah-mazing, but I know with this disease it's all just holding off the inevitable. And to see the finish line off in the distance...
If we can just keep her healthy until the cure...
She could have a normal life. That's a lot of pressure.
What if she gets sick? What if there's more scarring? What then?
I'm so tired of asking people for money. Knowing that people choose to not watch the video or that they watch it and the don't help.
I know there are countless reasons, some so legitimate. It still stings. It's still discouraging.
She knows we're getting close. Yesterday she sat with me and quizzed me up one side and down the other about it. I'm trying to give her the information, give her hope and yet still protect her from the what if's.
What if this drug doesn't get thru? What if we're back at square one with no end in sight?
For the last seven years I've been praying for this. I thought I gave this to God a long time ago. And now, right here at the end I'm desperately trying to take it back.
As if my worrying can force this drug thru any faster.
Oh Lord, I need your peace. I need your reassurance that you really do have this. I need you to help me pry my fingers off this disease that I have no control over. I need to trust you fully with my precious baby girl. Oh Lord, help me.